I found a statistic that made me reflect on a younger cousin of mine who went from a curious and creative toddler to an aggressive teen caught in the foster system and eventually ended up in a juvenile detention center. He was isolated by his step father, physically tossed around by him and felt unprotected by his mother.
My mother must have something magical at that midpoint that serves as the meeting place where the lines of her thighs meet, because all three of my “Daddy’s” have had some stalk-ish moments when it comes to her. Unfortunately, she seems to have a broken CRAY-Dar. Or maybe it’s the magic in her regal region that makes them this way.
Now that we know what a CRAY-DAR is, let me give you some history. It’s been rumored that even in infancy I was able to “See Red” in people and advise my mother not to date them. I’m guessing my CRAY-DAR kicked in early.
Buddha used to write me letters (some before I could read) of how things would be different when he came “Out on vacation”. Sold dreams of this family he and I would be with my mother. Needless to say I was thoroughly confused as to why he thought we could be a “family” when things were just fine with me, my mother and Step Dad #1. Buddha was CRAZY.
Step Dad #1 & my mom have tried their hand at reuniting on multiple occasions. He’s probably the least possessively aggressive when it came to her, but he still has illusions of a “perfect relationship” between them, where it’s ok for him to see other people, yet it’s painful to see her with anyone else.
My CRAY-DAR was definitely strongest with my sister’s father. He knew things only possible to have know if he had been listening to conversations she had in his assumed absence or following her to destinations throughout the day. To this day I have most of my phone conversations in the car for fear of my apartment being bugged due to things I’ve witnessed. Throughout their decade + long relationship, he’s shown up unannounced at work functions & assaulted coworkers, called the police & pressed charges on her in the middle of the night when she had a house full of children, used the SUPER BASS in his voice as a weapon against her family and guests, drove through the neighborhood monitoring who is entering and exiting the home, and constantly plead that he wants his “family” back while continuing to live in a façade where their relationship has yet to end.
When she met him, he had siblings & nieces & nephews, friends, a god-son, co-workers, band-mates that he wrote songs with.
Domestic Violence is defined as a pattern of behavior used to establish power and control over another person through fear and intimidation, often including the threat or use of violence.
Assault is defined as an intentional attempt or threat to inflict injury that places another person in fear of imminent bodily harm.
I’m a CONTROL freak. I chose to live alone because I wanted to be in control of when I do and do not wish to have company.
On Dealing With Daddy Issues this week I posted about “Super Bass” & my sister’s father being a loud presence in my life. When I was 14 we had our one and only physical altercation. And although no one seems to agree on the details it definitely changed things and how we interacted with and around one another.
I didn’t like his tone of voice most of the time, but I knew after that night if I was going against him, I was going alone. There were many great memories after after that night, but I definitely became more aware of myself and my power and occasional lack thereof.
Earlier this year, my mother told me I was the reason her relationship with my sister’s father didn’t work out. Those are probably the most hurtful words she ever sent…
Senseless Fashion Statements
My love for sunglasses probably started from playing in my mothers belongings as a child. She used to keep a basket full of sunglasses on her dresser. They were pretty cool, some even had multi-colored lenses, it was the 90s and my mom was kind of poppin.
As I got older, I developed a fetish with sunglasses as a protective accessory to keep things from blowing in my sensitive eyes.
This summer however, I learned of a woman who was a survivor of Domestic Violence. For years she used sunglasses as stylish Fashion Statements to hide the black eyes she received during physical altercations with the father of her children. These physical altercations were so brutal and frequent that they eventually resulted in the loss of her eyesight. Yup, that’s right, she was BEATEN BLIND, by her sons’ father and now what was once considered great sense of fashion, is a protective accessory for what little sensitivity the nerves in her eyes have left.