Daddy Daughter Depression

About a year ago I talked about how a disappointment from another man led me to finally have a conversation with my biological father.

In that year’s time I’ve learned that I have more in common with him than just our face. Honestly most of it freaked me out. Small things, like the time he took me to the movies & had a trunk full of one of my favorite candies, even though he didn’t know they were my favorite candy. It made me wonder if he had been the reason I loved peanut chews all this time & I just couldn’t remember him introducing them to me.

Before the distance

No similarity was more chilling than when he responded to a text a couple weeks ago sharing that he had lost his job & was feeling a little depressed because of it.

I had only text him because I was in town. I was only in town because I too had lost my job. And I too was feeling depressed because of it. So depressed I didn’t really try to meet up with anyone. I mostly hid at my mother’s house pretending I wasn’t there at all.

Seeing his text made me wonder if economic driven depression was hereditary. I told my mom about the text. She just talked about how much of a genius he was & how he didn’t have to be in this position if he really used his wits. I felt like she was talking about me. So many people think I’m “too smart” to be unemployed. The thing is, sometimes being too smart is exactly why you end up without a job. They couldn’t afford to keep me on at my rate, I just wish I had been smart enough to leave before they let me go.

My father thinks he was let go due to a background check. I wasn’t in a place to be encouraging. I had my own depression to climb out of & it was clear he couldn’t help me. Instead of being angry at him for experiencing similar misfortune. I just sent him a list I had seen circulating on social media of places that hire folk with a criminal record & told him that I was also in need of new employment.

They say a mind is a terrible thing to waste. But when you’re experiencing depression, your own brilliance is the last thing you think of banking on.

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