My mother must have something magical at that midpoint that serves as the meeting place where the lines of her thighs meet, because all three of my “Daddy’s” have had some stalk-ish moments when it comes to her. Unfortunately, she seems to have a broken CRAY-Dar. Or maybe it’s the magic in her regal region that makes them this way.

Cray-Dar Definition

Now that we know what a CRAY-DAR is, let me give you some history. It’s been rumored that even in infancy I was able to “See Red” in people and advise my mother not to date them. I’m guessing my CRAY-DAR kicked in early.

Buddha used to write me letters (some before I could read) of how things would be different when he came “Out on vacation”. Sold dreams of this family he and I would be with my mother. Needless to say I was thoroughly confused as to why he thought we could be a “family” when things were just fine with me, my mother and Step Dad #1. Buddha was CRAZY.

Step Dad #1 & my mom have tried their hand at reuniting on multiple occasions. He’s probably the least possessively aggressive when it came to her, but he still has illusions of a “perfect relationship” between them, where it’s ok for him to see other people, yet it’s painful to see her with anyone else.

Umm No

My CRAY-DAR was definitely strongest with my sister’s father. He knew things only possible to have know if he had been listening to conversations she had in his assumed absence or following her to destinations throughout the day. To this day I have most of my phone conversations in the car for fear of my apartment being bugged due to things I’ve witnessed. Throughout their decade + long relationship, he’s shown up unannounced at work functions & assaulted coworkers, called the police & pressed charges on her in the middle of the night when she had a house full of children, used the SUPER BASS in his voice as a weapon against her family and guests, drove through the neighborhood monitoring who is entering and exiting the home, and constantly plead that he wants his “family” back while continuing to live in a façade where their relationship has yet to end.

Maury Meme

When she met him, he had siblings & nieces & nephews, friends, a god-son, co-workers, band-mates that he wrote songs with.

Over time he slowly cut those people off and became more deeply entwined in my mother’s family, so much so that my sister barely knows the aunts & cousins that I met before her birth and actually grew to like in her early years of life. It was so noticeable to me that I actually flat-out asked him “WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR FRIENDS? DIDN’T YOU HAVE YOUR OWN LIFE?”

Me looking for the friends he used to sing with
Me looking for the friends he used to sing with

Anyway, witnessing all of that foolishness has made my CRAY-DAR stronger than whatever the MARS rover is made of.

In my last relationship, Paranoid Pete was a native to the city we lived in. His mother was here, & the few friends he had were pretty much local.

I have a history of over-thinking things, but in the beginning we spent most of our dates on trips to the movies. Always a new movie theater further out from the city itself each time. I felt like he was hiding me. My mother said, “Stop over-thinking things, have fun”.

I tried to put it out of my mind, and invited Paranoid Pete to my mother’s house for one of our big annual family functions. Two things happened: 1. His possessive personality appeared 2. He became attached to my family. We drove separate vehicles & despite the fact that I had made the trip plenty of times alone, he wanted me to leave when he left so he could be sure I made it home safely.

Read You

I thought it was stupid. He’s a grown man with GPS & a cell phone & I would be safe at my mother’s home until the next morning. My mother thought it was sweet & suggested I leave when he left because he may have been nervous taking the trip back alone after following me there. I left. After that he continuously found reason to want to accompany me on every visit I made home, while simultaneously spending less time with his own family and friends. I was quickly reminded of the behaviors I witnessed in my sister’s father. My mother said, “Don’t compare the two. Just enjoy that he’s caring and wants to spend time with you.” I eventually grew tired of trying to work things out in our relationship and took a trip to visit my brother for a break. Unfortunately, I had a car accident during my visit and Paranoid Pete came to the rescue. In the months following my accident, he drove me to work & helped me look for a new vehicle in the evenings.


I told my grandfather, “He always wants to look at cars and sometimes I have other things to do. I feel like every time I decide on a car he finds something wrong with I, even if he suggested it in the first place! I’m beginning to think he’s just prolonging the process to spend more time with me.” My grandfather always encourages me to see the best in people, so he wasn’t game for my explanation. Finally I reached a breaking point and chose to stay with my mom for the summer and catch an Uber or taxi for any necessary activities. Then it happened, I needed a ride to a location I knew wouldn’t take Paranoid Pete out of his way so I asked for a ride. This dude showed up in the car I wanted most that he had convinced me NOT to buy! He had the nerve to ask “You like my new car?” as if he thought him buying the car I wanted was going to make me want to be back with him. I had ignored my CRAY-DAR long enough, but that was the tipping point.


It’s been over a year and I still receive occasional messages asking how I’ve been & confessing his love and desire to get back together. I recently was invited to a party by a mutual friend. I didn’t attend because I had a FEELING that he would go anticipating seeing me. He called a few days after the event & said “I went to K’s event hoping to see you” and that’s when I KNEW the CRAY-Dar was real. He even moved into a housing complex down the street from me. My mother encouraged me to give him another chance. “The circumstances around your relationship have changed” I’ve decided not the listen to my mother any more. Her CRAY-DAR’s broken.

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