Admitting is the First Step

The top definition for the term Daddy Issues is defined by Urban Dictionary as follows:

Whenever a female has a fucked up relationship with her father, or absence of a father figure during her childhood, it tends to spill into any adult relationship they embark on, usually to the chagrin of any poor male in their life.

Stereotypically, we associate the term “Daddy Issues” with women who are sexually promiscuous or emotionally clingy. Just Google the term and you’ll find think piece after think piece and endless memes of women in suggestively sexual positions. Growing up, I’d watch movies and shows with my mom or my friends and see a woman acting in a manner that suggested she didn’t respect herself, and a common reaction would be “Oh, who raised her?” or “Where were her parents?”. My mother always told me “When you leave this house you’re a reflection of ME”. So it made perfect sense that women who behaved abnormally to me, must have some type of parental issues. Even though I didn’t grow up with my father in the home, or really as an active member of my life, I didn’t see myself in those women. The women who we prescribe to have Daddy Issues didn’t reflect ME. My mother’s brother was there for me from birth, so I never felt like I didn’t have a father. He did those things Daddy’s are supposed to do; taught me how to ride a bike, took me to school, made me soup when I was sick etc. I didn’t turn to sex as a means of filling the emotional void “only a father could fill”. I wasn’t a serial dater who NEEDED to be in a relationship to feel validated. I had decent friends, I was academically involved, I was in charge of most of the extracurricular activities I participated in, I even went to college on a scholarship. It wasn’t until after I graduated from Howard that I started to see these “Daddy Issues” manifest in myself. They may not look the way we’re used to seeing them, but they’re there, and Admitting is the First Step.

This Post Has One Comment

  1. Tamara

    I love it. Admitting is absolute the first step. It’s also important to realize that the absence of a father effect people differently. Admittedly, I do have daddy issues and although they do not effect my every movement they do effect me. Like any other issue they need to be dealt with and not hidden or ignored!

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