You ever watch the movie Mean Girls, when the “dumb friend”, Karen, is describing how cousins work?? Yeah, that’s kind of what it’s like to hear me talk about my siblings. “Well you have Mom’s kid. Dad’s kid. Step Dad’s kid.” And the list goes on.
For whatever reason lately, like five years now, I’ve paid heightened attention to sibling and paternal relationships. (Shout out to Facebook Memories) Although it’s definitely been helpful to develop content for my blog it’s low key an obsession on self-reflection.
Last weekend I visited some of my favorite babies. They’re 8,9 and 11 now, but still babies to me. They have different mothers and share the same father. Several times I overheard the youngest two say “If Daddy keeps us til Monday” as they devised a plot to see Zootopia before going their separate ways.
I’m pretty sure they said tons of other interesting stuff but all I heard was “If Daddy keeps us til Monday.” Ringing in my ears because I couldn’t help but wonder *why WOULDN’T he keep them until or AFTER Monday?* they are on Spring Break this week.
“If Daddy keeps us til Monday.”
Same weekend, I attempted several times to see my father’s other daughter and my nieces and new nephew. We didn’t grow up together, or really even know about each other until I was 10, and even then (before children had cell phones) we had no means of keeping in contact. I told her a week in advance I was coming. Despite her offer a month ago for me to spend the night with her in her new place, and her persistent inquiries of when I was coming, she stood me up. TWICE!
Real tears. Hiccups. Red face. CRIED.
I couldn’t understand for the life of me why she would ASK me to visit then withhold the address of the new place she offered me to SPEND THE NIGHT at. Or why she would then give me the address and say “Sure can come see us now” then send my calls to voicemail once I got there when I told her I was only 10 minutes away.
I was embarrassed.
I felt disrespected, because why would anyone waste MY TIME?
But then I remembered, like father, like daughter. This IS Buddha’s child. Why would I expect anything different? He’s the KING of “I’ve got plans for us this weekend.” “Tell your mother don’t take you nowhere.” Then, No Call. No Show.
I’ve spent the past FOUR years TipToe N in My Jawdinz around HER feelings and HER schedule trying to build a relationship with HER children, like Buddha’s sister had with me. That night I wanted nothing more than to be done. It made me wonder if character flaws are genetic. Did she genetically inherit her lack of respect for my time, energy, emotions and GAS MONEY?
Which brought me back to my favorite babies, they shouldn’t have to wonder “If Daddy is keeping them til Monday” and it made me again question Why he WOULDN’T. Is it because Mommy (The mother of the oldest) would be ready for them to leave? No. She’s been VERY accepting of these human reminders of his infidelity. She’s even advocated that he fight for full custody of the middle child and more time with the youngest. That’s not her job though. Or is it?
I know it takes a Village to raise a child, but who is responsible for forming the ties that bind siblings together?
Not all women are as strong as my babies’ Mommy. And how come their Daddy didn’t appear as diligent in keeping HIS kids together as she?
Without growing up together, are siblings soul ties too?