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Patterns

I was watching HOUSE earlier (Season 5 ep6 JOY) and Cutty was trying to adopt a baby from a young meth addict. The girls told Cutty her grandmother stayed in a marriage where the grandfather treated her like garbage for 38 years. Her mom would have stayed married to her “loser dad” that long but he dumped her. She then follows it up with “You know I never understood how you could fall for the same crap as your mother. Then I met Tony. …I don’t want her raised by a loser.”

Shortly after that episode I spoke to my grandparents. They’re hilarious I love them, but today was different. Today my grandmother randomly decided to point out the things she DOESN’T like about being married to my grandfather. I laughed at them most of them, like “Having to pick out his clothes because he’s color blind.” But I was somewhat confused as to why she was going on this rant.

When I first met my last boyfriend I was sharing a story about my grandma with him and he said “You sound like you come from a long line of women who like to tell men what to do.”

I never thought about it that way but my grandma is the not-so-silent boss in their partnership. And my mom never legally married but in both common law relationships with step dad #1 and my sister’s father, she pretty much ran things.

I noticed after my sister was born her father kind of distanced himself from his family and friends. He really integrated himself into my mother’s family and all of the relatives of his I had gotten to know; my sister never did. In addition to his inclination for arguing he appeared to be very controlling. I realize now that he was just trying to be the head of the house owned solely by the woman he loved.

Just like the girl on HOUSE I saw my mother as weak for staying with him and I never wanted to be with a man like that. At the first sign of similarities between my last boyfriend and my sister’s father, I was over it. I shared those sentiments with my mother and she advised me not to base my relationship decisions off of my opinions of hers.

There are many things about my sister’s father I grew to love, but it didn’t stop me from noticing his flaws in the men I chose to date. I stuck it out with that last guy for another six months after I thought I should have ended things and another few months after that. Turns out I did come from a long line of women who like to tell men what to do. We also like to stay with those men a little too long, hoping we can love them flaws and all.

Guess I’m not strong enough to stick it out in the long run. But at least I noticed the patterns.

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