Soo I just filed my taxes this morning and I cried. I filled out all the paperwork in January, saw how much I owed and said “Nah”. Now it’s 2 days past the deadline & 30 mins before I need to be at work & I’m full snot crying as I hit submit & pay to file taxes with money I don’t have.
But it didn’t have to be this way. Last month when I was pushing for responses to my “What’s the Deal with Your Dad?” Questionnaire, I found Buddha in my Facebook inbox. Asking if there was anything he could do for me. I just asked him to fill out the questionnaire. (YOU can fill it out here while I’m on the subject) He replied “Done” and told me to let him know if I needed anything else.
I spent all month wondering if I should ask for the financial help I needed. The last time I asked him for money, ($50 for a trip to Boston in High School), He stole it from my uncle. So, I didn’t want to ask him for anything only to find out later it was ill-gotten. I thought maybe I’d ask him to pay his brother back some money I borrowed to cover my car Insurance. I didn’t ask though.
So here I am, damn near 8 weeks later; a list of debts growing daily; 7lbs down because I haven’t been eating just to ensure my bills are covered; Credit Card one McPick 2 away from being maxed out; Bank of Mom has insufficient funds cause she’s repaying a loan to her Bank of Mom & I’m watching Resurrection Sunday Service from my laptop. That’s when I heard a sermon that touched my heart.
Rev. Watley shared an anecdote about bringing in the groceries with his young daughter. She reaches for a bag that’s too heavy for her and gets frustrated. He hands her a bag with paper towels and items more manageable, then sends her inside. She doesn’t notice he’s right behind her with the heavier bag. Once inside, she drops off the paper towels and rushes around to go back for the rest & runs into her Dad with a confused look on her face. He says to her “That’s what you have a Daddy for, to carry the things that are too heavy for you.”
Now even though I know he used that anecdote as an analogy to illustrate how we should bring our burdens to God, I took it a little more personally. I’m drowning in debt, working for a company that mispays me at least once per quarter and Buddha had thrown me a life raft I was too afraid to take. *simmer on that*
I drove home from a friend’s house early that next morning still thinking about the last line of that sermon. “That’s what you have a Daddy for, to carry the things that are too heavy for you.” And I realized that I hadn’t asked him for help because I’m not a user. I firmly believe in treating people how you want to be treated, and I damn sure wouldn’t want someone asking me for money after they shut me out for years. Its 4:27am and I’m on the highway driving, praying I make it home awake thinking *I’m ready to listen to him now*
I got about two and a half hours of sleep, woke up and opened my computer to check some questionnaire responses and saw a message in my inbox on Facebook. It was Buddha. “Shamiko, you’ve been on my mind lately and would really like to talk with you.”
Not even EIGHT hours after I had made up my mind that I was ready to hear him out, he reached out to me! My grandfather always talks about the power of your thoughts, but this was the first time in a LONG time that I felt and saw the effects of it so immediately.
My current gentleman friend has been a strong advocate for giving Buddha another chance. My relationship with him thus far has been a true testament to me learning to trust again. Most of which involved me changing my thinking. Who knew that packing lighter thoughts would be the beginning of bringing more peace? #DaaamnDaddy