November 5, 2015
I was supposed to go on a date today. I met the guy Sunday just hours after my bestie suggested I be a “Yes (wo)man.” There were some signs things may not work out, but I was trying not to be a negative Nancy. Over the past few months I’ve been polling my coworkers about their lives as parents and their relationships with their parents. I enjoy conversing with one person in particular and he’s a parent of 3 with two jobs. His oldest is nearing14 and she’s an honor student.
As a means to distract myself from the nerves of a date with a stranger, I continued to probe my coworker about life as the parent of a “whole teenager” and offered my unsolicited advice on not buying ridiculously priced fad items as Christmas gifts. My coworker said “If my daughter ends up with some bum dude that can’t provide for her, that’s cheating me! I do all I do for her to set the standard on how she could be treated.” This made me reflect on an episode of OPRAH’s Life Class Daddyless Daughters special, where Iyanla Vanzant said women look for in men what they didn’t get from their fathers. I shared the story of a friend of mine who fell into a pattern of dating bum dudes seeking ye time her father never gave her. He was financially supportive, but she wanted emotionally attentive.
This morning in the shower I pondered over what I look for in men. What has my “Daddylessness” made me desire most from men? I realized with Buddha I was constantly being stood up and lied to. I’ve fallen into a pattern of dating intellectual A$$holes because I’m looking for honesty.
And the first part of healing is being HONEST about your pain.t