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Ties that Bind

You ever watch the movie Mean Girls, when the “dumb friend”, Karen, is describing how cousins work?? Yeah, that’s kind of what it’s like to hear me talk about my siblings. “Well you have Mom’s kid. Dad’s kid. Step Dad’s kid.” And the list goes on.

karen-smith-cousins

For whatever reason lately, like five years now, I’ve paid heightened attention to sibling and paternal relationships. (Shout out to Facebook Memories) Although it’s definitely been helpful to develop content for my blog it’s low key an obsession on self-reflection.

Last weekend I visited some of my favorite babies. They’re 8,9 and 11 now, but still babies to me. They have different mothers and share the same father. Several times I overheard the youngest two say “If Daddy keeps us til Monday” as they devised a plot to see Zootopia before going their separate ways.

I’m pretty sure they said tons of other interesting stuff but all I heard was “If Daddy keeps us til Monday.” Ringing in my ears because I couldn’t help but wonder *why WOULDN’T he keep them until or AFTER Monday?* they are on Spring Break this week.

“If Daddy keeps us til Monday.”

Same weekend, I attempted several times to see my father’s other daughter and my nieces and new nephew. We didn’t grow up together, or really even know about each other until I was 10, and even then (before children had cell phones) we had no means of keeping in contact. I told her a week in advance I was coming. Despite her offer a month ago for me to spend the night with her in her new place, and her persistent inquiries of when I was coming, she stood me up. TWICE!

I cried.

No exaggeration.

Real tears. Hiccups. Red face. CRIED.

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Permanent Soul Ties

I saw a friend from high school post that his daughter’s mother was once again keeping him from seeing his child.

This was not the first time he had posted about their relationship woes and her using their child as a pawn. Most of the comments expressed sympathy for his situation and ended in “it only hurts the child in the end” or something similar to it.

Same day I see this post I happen to be reading “Shedding Soul Ties” by Marlene Downing. And it hit me! Children are permanent soul ties. Like in “Not EASILY Broken” when the pastor told them that if God was the 3rd tie in their marriage it would not be easily broken. Why don’t people have conversations about reproduction using this language?

not easily broken

The day before this epiphany, my mother told me Step Dad #1 called her and said “Your Daughter resurfaced” Though they have no biological kids together, their love for each other’s kids has continued to keep them bound to one another. Always serving as a conversation starter, a reason to reconnect, a grounds for collaboration.

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Lift as You Climb

As you know from my last post, I recently finished reading Year of Yes by Shonda Rhimes. Actually I just took it back to the library about an hour ago.

The book was renewing, refreshing and encouraging, much like the message I got in my inbox yesterday afternoon.

Fellow Bison Blogger, Howard Alumna, Quad resident and 2D team Member @AccordingtoKori nominated ME for a Liebster Award!

Liebster Logo

This is my first acknowledgement as a blogger and truly came at a pivotal moment for me in my never ending evolution as a writer.

For those of you, like me, who never heard of a Liebster Award before it is an online award given to bloggers by other bloggers as a fun way to encourage them to keep blogging and to spread the word about other great bloggers out there.To participate, you must answer the questions from the person who nominated you – and then tag some other great bloggers with some questions of your own.

I interpreted this as her way of being the Dory to my Marlin and telling me to #JustKeepBlogging

Just Keep Swimming

If you’ve never heard of Kori, let me hip you a little bit. Kori and I matriculated through Howard University’s School of Business together and now, this God-fearing, Single, Black Female is out here knocking on doors and making things happen with her writing. Don’t believe me? See for yourself at A2K.com where she writes about life from her lens, and the daily encouragement she finds through her experiences.

Part of being nominated for  a Liebster is answering the questions of the person that nominated you. The over-thinker in me tripped out a little bit, but I heard a little boy tell his brother last night “Asking questions is how you get SMARTER Tyree” The educator in me is all for helping people get smarter!

AMAZING

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Strength From Pain

Stereotypically speaking, I shouldn’t be who I am. A friend of mine told me this weekend I had all the makings of a THOT: Teen Mom, absentee Dad, a love for Baltimore Club Hits that include the word “freak” and some other vulgarities.

But I’m not a stereotype. Not in that way at least. Last week, I went to support some kids in a poetry show for a program I used to work for. A friend of mine joined me. We had a great time and were both touched by the poem based on the Daddy Issues of a 6th grader.

We talked during the reception, to former colleagues and people we never met. At the end of the night one of those former colleagues walked us to my car before heading to his own. When I dropped my friend off to the train station she referenced this colleague and said “You’re a better woman than I am. After the relationship yall had, I don’t see how you can be so platonic with him.” I simply responded. “That was four years ago.”

Remember when I said I wasn’t a stereotype?

Well, according to an article by The Atlantic the CDC reports the average age Americans lose their virginities is at age 17. I was among that 12.3% of women still a virgin between ages 20 and 24. That is until I met this colleague. I’ve written about that experience before on Dealing With Daddy Issues as well as Sex and the Sisters, but never really about how I got past it.

situationship

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