Month: February 2016

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Expiration Dates

Last week I posed a question on Facebook “Did your Daddy Lay a foundation of love for you that let you know you were worth trying for?”

It was accompanied by a photo intended to spark conversation about last week’s post to #StopTrying or #TryHarder

SToTH

 

My younger cousin replied in the comments “Nope cause I have no clue” when asked if she had any commentary after noticing she liked the post but did not respond to any of the questions.

Her father and Buddha are brothers and I’ve personally witnessed some of the pain she’s experienced due to his behavior. I prompted her to open up more by asking additional questions as a reply to her comment.

Then she said something that caught my attention. She said she used to feel like her interactions with her Dad contributed to her cluelessness in relationships until our Aunt told her “You make your own decisions now.”

My curiosity caused me to go into question overload and she felt it best to take our conversation to my inbox.

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Stop Trying or Try Harder

If you know me well enough to be my Facebook friend, you’ve probably been moderately entertained by the #MailmanChronicles I’ve posted over the past couple of months.

Recently however, my rendezvous with the mailman has reached an interesting point. A plateau on the side of a mountain if you will. We’ve reached a level where a decision must be made. A choice to stop trying, or try harder.

I’ve shared before that I am often a very judgmental individual, but my recent reading of the Autobiography of Malcolm X has made it ever present that I must not judge others for what they don’t know because I myself haven’t always known what I know now.

I never made it a secret that I found the mailman attractive. I enjoyed smiling at him as we exchanged meaningless “How You Doings?” and I encouraged him to stay hydrated. It was often time the highlight of my work day. You can understand then, why I was overcome with anxiety when my coworker decided to give him my number against my wishes.

The over-thinker in me panicked something awful!

*What if I don’t like the outside of work him? *Will it be awkward if we have inside jokes that aren’t related to the mail anymore?* What if things don’t work out?* What will be my highlight at work now? *What if he has a girlfriend, and this makes him uncomfortable? *Can I be hit with a sexual harassment suit?*

A bit much, I know. Here’s some background on my dating life to make this make sense for you:

  • In middle school, I dated my nemesis from elementary school. He cheated a few times, broke up with me and asked me out again before dating one of my friends our first month of high school & lying to both of us about it. I didn’t date again until the end of my Junior year of high school.

 

  • I wasn’t really attracted to him, but he was persistent & shared my family values. Our relationship survived my 17-day stint in China only to be foiled by his job at Shop Rite. My women’s intuition kicked in and I tried to end things as friends. We separated for about a month and a half before reuniting at his parents’ wedding. My spidey senses told me things weren’t right and I ultimately discovered that he was dating his coworker & a few other women on his community college campus. Deuces.

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How Strong is Your Foundation?

Two days ago the Super Bowl aired. One of my favorite parts of Super Bowl Sunday, and arguably the best, is the flood of new commercials that ultimately set the tone for the year & often times integrate themselves into our everyday lives.

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*I’m still saying “You son of a biscuit eating dog!”

This Year a commercial released a few days before game day has stirred up quite a bit of Buzz.

Pantene’s Dad-Do commercials were a hit among most and a silent jab to others. The display of Daddy-daughter bonding was definitely heart-warming. What hurt was the tag line at the end.

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“Girls who spend quality time with their Dads grow up to be stronger women.”

 

It automatically took me back to my birthday in December where I overheard a pre-teen girl tell someone her father is and has been incarcerated for most of her life, but she tries not to let it get to her, because she knows it will make her stronger in the end.

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WHO IS CONDUCTING THIS RESEARCH?!

My focus for February has been Foundations of Love: Examining the Foundations of Love my “Daddies” have laid for me. But this commercial incited a need for me to conduct my own research.

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Foundations of Love

As I look back over my collection of notebooks, all of which detail my thoughts over different times in my life, I notice the concept of love is reappearing.

Some writers focus on feminism, or racism, or religion. I like to focus on my reality, and sometimes my imagination. Both of which seem to be consumed with endless questions of love.

In the seventh grade I wrote this poem called “No one knows what love is” It was pretty popular with the adults in my life.

Lately I’ve been feeling very reminiscent of the 12 year old girl who wrote that poem. “I think I love you; but what is love, and who’s to tell, cause no one knows.”

But then I watch shows like HOUSE and see people willing to lose an organ in the name of love. Parents refusing to accept treatment solely off the belief that their children wouldn’t lie to them. And it makes me reevaluate my ideas of love again.

 

I haven’t been on a date in about two years. I’m not sure I really know how to date.

 

If you’ve been following me since Dealing with Daddy Issues, you know that there are three main father figures (hence the 3 a’s in daaamndaddy) that I focus on.

The person who really raised me though is my maternal uncle. He carried me to school on his back while my mother worked, made me soup when I was sick and gave me some of the best hugs and worst advice ever.

And when I say worst advice, I don’t mean he gave me basic misogynistic “keep the house clean” tips. I mean his actions didn’t match his words, and as I got older, that meant I found him less trustworthy.

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