Day one of The 25 Days of Healing was to admit that you have you something to heal from. I’m pretty sure I have more than one area of growth to come out of my Daddy Issues. I chose to focus on my Trust Issues. I had to acknowledge that I have trust issues. Upon admitting to having these trust issues I had to make a choice, and decide it was more important to heal than it was to have more content. Once I decided I was ready to heal I had to be honest about the pain I was experiencing and how I was allowing it to manifest itself in my life. I realized that I was occasionally projecting these patterns of pain and distrust onto others. Once upon a time writing was my greatest outlet, until I realized that I trusted pen and paper more than human interaction. I decided to evaluate how these trust issues were effecting me, and visualize what my life would look like without these trust issues. In order to get to this place I visualized, I have to confront the people who have contributed to my pain, and stop myself from participating in that pain. Holding on to some of those trust issues has prevented me from reaching that healed place. I won’t be able to move on without practicing forgiveness. Forgiveness doesn’t mean allowing folk the opportunity to continuously cause me the same kind of pain.
15 more days ahead on his journey of healing.
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November 5, 2015
I was supposed to go on a date today. I met the guy Sunday just hours after my bestie suggested I be a “Yes (wo)man.” There were some signs things may not work out, but I was trying not to be a negative Nancy. Over the past few months I’ve been polling my coworkers about their lives as parents and their relationships with their parents. I enjoy conversing with one person in particular and he’s a parent of 3 with two jobs. His oldest is nearing14 and she’s an honor student.
As a means to distract myself from the nerves of a date with a stranger, I continued to probe my coworker about life as the parent of a “whole teenager” and offered my unsolicited advice on not buying ridiculously priced fad items as Christmas gifts. My coworker said “If my daughter ends up with some bum dude that can’t provide for her, that’s cheating me! I do all I do for her to set the standard on how she could be treated.” This made me reflect on an episode of OPRAH’s Life Class Daddyless Daughters special, where Iyanla Vanzant said women look for in men what they didn’t get from their fathers. I shared the story of a friend of mine who fell into a pattern of dating bum dudes seeking ye time her father never gave her. He was financially supportive, but she wanted emotionally attentive.
This morning in the shower I pondered over what I look for in men. What has my “Daddylessness” made me desire most from men? I realized with Buddha I was constantly being stood up and lied to. I’ve fallen into a pattern of dating intellectual A$$holes because I’m looking for honesty.
And the first part of healing is being HONEST about your pain.t
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The 25 Days of Healing
In 27 days I’ll be 25 years old. December 1st marks the completion of 25 years of life for me. I started this 25th year of life with something I chose to call #The25DaysofMIKO where for 25 days I did things to make me happy. Being the “Broke College Graduate” that I was, facing depression from the embarrassment of unemployment and not Graduating Grad School with my Cohort, those 25 days weren’t as adventurous as I intended.
Fast Forward a few months and I started my blog Dealing With Daddy Issues as a way to vent about the way my complicated parenting was manifesting itself in my young adult life. Full-time employment rocked the flow of my blog a little bit, but recent life events encouraged me to tie in Domestic Violence Awareness. Then it hit me. I wanted to end year 25 the same way I brought it in. By focusing on me for 25 days, but this time, instead of adventure, I wanted to focus on healing.
The future school counselor in me wanted to pin point 25 sequential steps you could take to heal from your Daddy Issues, relationship issues or self-love issues. Then it dawned on me, I can’t help you do what I haven’t yet done. So these next 25 days WILL be about adventure. Who’s ready to take the journey to healing with me? Unpack your burdens and enjoy the ride.
Domestic Violence Awareness Month may be over, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t still issues to be addressed. I started this vlog in association with my blog Dealing With Daddy Issues and shared the encounters of a close friend of mine who’s daughter’s father has made her a victim of intimate partner violence on more than one occasion. I recently learned that she was forced to undergo surgery or lose her eyesight, very similar to the story I shared in the second vlog post last month.
I encourage you all to do your own research and continue to seek support if you are in a violent situation.
Because I started this vlog and DWDI as a way to vent and communicate about the Daddy Issues I face and those experienced by the friends and family that I love, I tired to keep my research focused on how Domestic Violence/Intimate Partner Violence effects children. In the last days I found a statistic that made me reflect on a younger cousin of mine who went from a curious and creative toddler to an aggressive teen caught in the foster system and eventually ended up in a juvenile detention center. He was isolated by his step father, physically tossed around by him and felt unprotected by his mother.
Continue reading Curiosity Killed the Cat