Yesterday I had to call my sister’s father for help with something. I told him about my current financial situation and some life choices I’m facing and he said “First world nation, self preservation” I’m pretty sure that’s a quote from a song or something, but he gave me the same piece of advice I’ve heard so many times before. “You can’t help others until you first help your self. Don’t feel like a bad friend or family member if you can’t be there for something. If you can’t afford to be there, you can’t be there.”
I haven’t been able to get my posts to my editor in a timely fashion this week, but that was fresh.
What’s the best piece of advice you’ve received from a father figure?
Ok, I’m sure most of you are familiar with Sweet Brown’s 15 memes of fame from a few years ago. Just like the people creating those memes there’s a lot of things I just ain’t got time for. One of them being ARGUMENTS.
In my last relationship I felt like we spent an abundance of time arguing over simple stuff because we really were having two different conversations.
Arguments are something I really just don’t have patience for. My sister’s father had a penchant for the art of arguing. If any man could make a mountain out of a molehill he was it. Just moments ago my mother called him to clarify if he was picking my sister up from school today. We decided to take a last minute road trip to surprise my aunt and my mother realized she hadn’t confirmed that with him. She called to make sure he was still available and to see if my sister had reached out to him to say, “Yes Daddy I need you to pick me up” or “Hey Daddy, my uncle’s picking me up so you don’t have to.” She believed she was being courteous and seeking clarity. I could hear him through her blue tooth ear piece preparing a case like he works for Analise Keating. Then my mother explicitly asked “Are you trying to pick an argument with me? Because I’m just trying to communicate.”
That was pretty much the summation of my adolescence; one person talking, the other unnecessarily escalating things. As I got older I realized my sister’s father wasn’t a bad dude, I just lacked the tolerance for his high octave shenanigans. If anything is a turn off to me, it’s a man raising his voice or carrying on in a conversation in the pettiest of ways.
My last boyfriend would come to my apartment and have an entire attitude if I took out my own trash or attempted to carry my own luggage to the car. “Why are you taking out the trash like I’m not standing here?” Why are we having this conversation? If it’s that big of a deal just take it out when you see it. Because arguing about who’s taking out the trash? AIN’T NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAT!
“Even good things can become idols, and while reveling and boasting seem good at the time, it is a grave disservice to idolize anything or anybody.” –Some excerpt on www.acts17-11.com not directly quoted from the bible.
Not all “Daddy Issues” stem from negative experiences. Today March 3, 2015 is my grandfather’s 74th birthday. All four of his children, their friends, his nieces and nephews, AND his in-laws have all had NOTHING but good things to say about him my entire life. He is the most loved man I’ve ever known and I can’t recall even an inkling of unpleasant whispers about him. My grandmother is probably his only hater and she’s been married to him nearly 50 years so he can’t be all that bad.
My grandfather has been such a great provider and source of love and encouragement in my life and the lives of soooo many others. I love that about him and I look for those qualities in the men that I meet, whether seeking friendship or more. There aren’t any inconsistencies I can think of between his actions and his words over the years. The bar is set high. He’s such a great dude that neither of his daughters has found men worthy of filling their father’s shoes. When you have such a solid blue print it’s hard not to see the flaws in other men. It’s even harder to face the flaws in a man you once thought lived up to your ideals and standards. It was one of my friends in college who had to remind me that all men are flawed and I wouldn’t be so disappointed if I stopped putting them on pedestals. Aside from the most delicious pancakes in the world I think I love my grandfather because he never pretends to be perfect. He isn’t afraid to share his flaws from the past and his growth as a man. I don’t handle being lied to well, because my grandfather has laid a foundation of honesty, that some men just are not equipped to build upon.